Mindful Matter
Care of Souls
“It turns out that the things we've been taught to pursue — money, status, power, fame, and sex appeal—are not only unworthy of us, but driving us to hurt ourselves, oppress each other, and damage our world. In ever-larger numbers, we see the lie and its toxicity, as we reject insufficient and untrustworthy systems, and despair at a culture of isolation and injustice.” This passage comes from “Care of Souls”, a capstone report written by Casper ter Kuile, Angie Thurston, and Rev. Sue Phillips — a group of Ministry Innovation Fellows at the Harvard Divinity School — with support from The Fetzer Institute and On Being. Over the course of four years, these fellows traveled around the U.S. to understand the loneliness, isolation and division that plague so many in the digital age. The report caps off their research and illustrates seven innovative community leadership roles that they feel are needed now. The seven roles are: The Gatherer — Forms communities of meaning and depthThe Seer — Helps us approach the sacredThe Healer — Breaks cycles of violenceThe Steward — Creates the infrastructure for spiritual lifeThe Elder — Grounds our gifts in history and communityThe Venturer — Invests in creative ways to support human flourishingThe Maker — Reminds us how to be human According to the authors: “These are the new interpreters of ancient wisdom, sanctifiers of daily life, and speakers to the deepest ground of our being. They do the project of being human in a different way. They solve for social and spiritual disconnection, and provide others with permission and resources to do the same. To know them is to know courage and imagination. Perhaps you know them. Perhaps you are one of them. If you can’t see them, it’s because they belong to a future that is only just emerging. The categories they belong to don’t yet exist.” In the report, the authors detail why each role is important and the pitfalls that a person or organization in this role will need to avoid. For instance, the Seer will need to avoid “guru-syndrome” while the Steward will need to understand the importance of traditions and ancient practices while also imagining and testing new ones. It’s a truly profound piece and was one of a handful of resources we curated for our members this month. Which role do you align with most — or would you like to? Mike RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee P.S. Thank you to Holstee community members Danya and Nick for sharing this report with me!
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I'm (not) fine.
Usually when someone asks me, “How are you?” I respond instinctively with an, “I’m fine, thank you.” The problem is, fine isn’t a feeling. At best, it’s a nondescript, neutral state of existence. And “I’m good” isn’t much better. These responses are the consequence of years of mindless reactions to a soul-searching question that people colloquially use as a greeting. But when we take the time to sit with it, the question is quite powerful. “How are you?” Or, asked differently, “What does it feel to be you right now?” The first step to answering this question is finding the right vocabulary. The Center for Nonviolent Communication (which honestly should be renamed “The Center for Rational, Thoughtful, Self-Aware and Productive Communication” — yes, I am a huge fan :-)) is a resource that can help us find the words for what we are feeling and trying to communicate. In our Compassion Guide this month, we dove deep and synthesized dozens of pages into a short and really helpful exercise for members. But back to finding the right words… the Center has a resource listing the wide variety of emotions we might be feeling at any given time. They divide the words into two buckets — feelings for when your needs are met and feelings for when they are not. Take a look at the following words. Pause for a moment with each — what does that feeling really feel like? ProudRestlessRestedScaredContentExhaustedHelplessClear-headedInsecureAnxiousRadiantRelaxed … the list goes on. “Fine” is not on the list. Neither is “good”. :-) So, how are you? Dave RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee
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Wellness is awareness.
Each month in our Holstee Guides, we include a few questions intended for self-reflection or group discussion that are inspired by our monthly theme. I recently shared one of these questions with our private member Facebook group: “True or false? Wellness is something that can be achieved.” One response particularly stood out. It was from Katie in Portland: “I think of it less as an achievement and more of a continuously changing state. What may be a good choice for me one day, may not be the next. It requires a lot of checking in with myself to know what wellness means for me today. Sometimes a nap may be more important than hitting the gym. Or splurging on that piece of cake might be just what the doctor ordered.” What I love about Katie’s response is that she acknowledges that wellness doesn't just vary by person but it also continues to vary moment to moment. It’s a fluid state, and the only way to really know where we stand is to be aware of what our mind, body, and soul are trying to communicate to us. What do you think — is wellness something we can achieve? Join the conversation in our private members Facebook group. Mike RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee P.S. We just launched Maslow. A new feature for Holstee Members to easily access all member content (Art, Guides, and more) quickly and easily on the go. Explore the awesomeness that is Maslow at: Holstee.com/maslow
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Flourish.
In 2011, psychologist Martin Seligman wrote the book Flourish, which introduced a new theory for the Positive Psychology movement that centered not on pursuing happiness, but rather on pursuing a sense of holistic wellness. “I used to think that the topic of positive psychology was happiness, that the gold standard for measuring happiness was life satisfaction, and that the goal of positive psychology was to increase life satisfaction. I now think that the topic of positive psychology is well-being, that the gold standard for measuring well-being is flourishing, and that the goal of positive psychology is to increase flourishing.” - Martin Seligman In Seligman’s view, happiness — a topic he had written extensively about, notably in his bestselling book Authentic Happiness — is too narrow of a lens through which to measure life satisfaction. Well-being, through flourishing, is a much more nuanced state. In the book, Seligman states that we can flourish by focusing our attention on five measurable elements: Positive Emotion- Experiencing emotions such as gratitude, hope, and contentment. Engagement- Activities that fully absorb our attention, entering us into a state of ‘flow’. Relationships- A sense of strong trust, connection, and support with others. Meaning- An altruistic purpose in life that is bigger than the self. Achievement- Having ambition and goals and following through on them. Seligman wrote: “Authentic happiness theory is one-dimensional: it is about feeling good and it claims that the way we choose our life course is to try to maximize how we feel. Well-being theory is about all five pillars ... (it) is a combination of feeling good as well as actually having meaning, good relationships, and accomplishment.” It isn’t just about feeling good in the moment, it’s about recognizing our complexities and building a life that is meaningful. This distinction really resonated with me. All too often people focus on being happy or positive —but there is so much more to life than the elusive and often fleeting sense of being happy. To flourishing, Dave RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee & Relfection.app P.S. In this month's Digital Wellness Guide we explore the many ways to prioritize our well-being daily and for the long haul. We share poetry, philosophy, and a range of activities to help you reflect on the role Wellness plays in your life.
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Aaché.
It seems like flu season lasted longer than ever this year. Whenever I find myself with an itchy throat or stuffy nose, I know it’s time to break out the Aaché. What’s that, you ask? It’s a tea-tonic that Mike and I have come to depend on over the years, filled with all sorts of natural, immunity-boosting goodness. Since we are exploring the theme of Wellness this month, I thought it would be fitting to invite you into our kitchen and share our not-so-secret recipe for it.How To Make Aaché: Throw the following into a blender… - One small clove of garlic (peeled)- One peeled piece of fresh turmeric, about the same size as the garlic clove (one small teaspoon turmeric powder can work as an alternative)- One peeled piece of fresh ginger, about double that size- One heavy-handed shake of red cayenne pepper- A quick shake of black pepper- Fresh-squeezed juice from half a lemon- A heaping teaspoon of (preferably local) honey- 5 oz of hot water Blend until liquified (or if you don’t have a blender, hand-chop the garlic, turmeric and ginger into a puree and stir it briskly with the other ingredients). The final result should be cloudy. Give it a good stir before drinking to make sure that too much isn't settled at the bottom of your glass. Drink twice a day or until you feel even better than you did before you got sick. Bottoms up!🍹 Dave RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee P.S. Friends often ask where the name “Aaché” came from. As mystical and exotic as it might sound, we actually made it up 😆. The name is inspired by the sound you make when clearing your throat after that last, heavily concentrated sip. Try it and you’ll see exactly what we mean ;-). P.P.S. Wellness comes in many forms — and physical health is just one component. Explore our Wellness Guide where we explore the six dimensions defined by the National Wellness Center.
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Take care.
This month’s Wellness Art comes from Jennifer Lioy, our creative and communications lead at Holstee. When Jennifer first showed me a draft for this art, I asked her why she chose the words "take care" as her starting point. I loved her thoughtful response: “I love the phrase ‘take care’ as a mantra for wellness because while it's most commonly used as a casual, sometimes careless way of saying goodbye, when you give it a moment of pause, it's actually a lovely message to wish someone (or yourself).There’s no guilt implied, no judgment about what you should be doing buried underneath.While taking care for me means spending time in the sun, sleeping soundly, eating roasted veggies, and not drinking too much coffee, maybe it looks completely different for you. I hope this art serves as a helpful reminder to do whatever you need to feel good, content, and strong. Take care." What do you need to do in order to “take care” of yourself today? Dave RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee P.S. For me, this comes back to my daily non-negotiable habit that I shared in a past Reflections email. P.P.S. Love this month’s art? Become a print or digital member today and let me know by shooting me an email. I’m happy to send you a copy of this month’s Wellness Art and Guide as a gift. Oh and if you haven't seen it yet, here is a peek of the art...
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Soft front, strong backs, and wild hearts.
I was recently stuck in traffic driving up California's 405 to visit Mike in Ventura. As usual, it was bumper to bumper traffic. I was in for a long ride so I turned to the company of one of my favorite podcasts. I opened up On Being hosted by Krista Tippett and selected the episode “Soft Front, Strong Backs, and Wild Hearts” featuring researcher Brené Brown. As I listened to the two women drop poetic wisdom, I was so wrapped up in their words that I forgot about the traffic. One quote in particular captured my attention. It was this quote from Brené's latest book: “We are neuro-biologically hardwired for belonging and connection. We’re hardwired to want it, and need it so much, that the first thing we do is sacrifice ourselves and who we are to achieve it.” I had to let that idea soak for a moment. I asked myself: If our sense of belonging comes from being accepted for who we are, then would it really be “belonging” if we had to sacrifice a part of ourselves for it? As I struggled with this question, I kept coming back to the interconnectedness between our need for belonging and our identity. That feeling of belonging is a validation of our existence — evidence that our lives have meaning, that we matter, and that one day, when we are no longer here, our presence will be missed. In her book “Braving the Wilderness”, Brown resolves this with a definition for “true belonging” — a perfect summation of how we establish a lasting sense of self that supports rather than diminishes our sense of belonging: “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.” Simply said, when you are true to yourself, you will realize you truly belong. A powerful thought. Sending love from my wild heart to yours, Dave RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee P.S. This podcast was just one of the links we featured in this month's Curated Resources for Kinship [Member Content]. Take a moment to explore the others as well as this month’s Kinship Guide [Member Content] before we start exploring March's theme of Wellness next month!
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Freshman year friends.
Freshman year of college was a very disorienting time for me. I was unsure, I was nervous, and I was awkward. All of the social insecurities that I thought I’d come to terms with in high school came back and this time, they were stronger than ever. One weekend, I found myself heading out to a party with a group of people from my dorm. At the time, they seemed far cooler than me. Their sneakers, their haircuts, the effortless way they laughed with one another — they seemed to have everything figured out. I felt like an imposter. I resolved to just keep up and try not to say anything that would make them realize how out of place I felt. Then someone — coincidentally also named Mike — interrupted the running dialogue in my head to say “hey”. I was so grateful. Mike then went on to tell me each person’s name and share a funny, humanizing story about them. After five minutes of talking with Mike, I felt less like an outsider. I'll never forget that night and how that one act of kindness made me feel anchored and accepted. Ever since, I have looked out for opportunities to extend this same sense of kinship to others who might be feeling like outsiders.You’d be surprised how little it takes and how much it means to simply show someone that they too belong. Mike RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee 👉 Dive deeper into Kinship and the relationships that have played a formative role in your life with your Kinship Guide [Member Content].
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Sonder.
I love words that perfectly capture a feeling or experience (as you may remember from past Reflections on Arete, Mokusu, Kintsugi, and Shokunin Kishitsu). Just last week Julia, a member of the Holstee community in Austria, reminded me of another such word: Sonder. So, What Does Sonder Mean? "Sonder" Definition — noun. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own — populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness — an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you'll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk. (via the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows) The definition gives me goosebumps every time I read it. It’s such a concise and beautiful way to describe a reality that I too often forget. It’s easy to experience life from the lens of our own eyes, with ourselves at the center of our narrative. But we are, of course, part of everyone else's stories as well and these stories are deeply intertwined and interconnected. And in subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle ways, we influence the trajectories of the people around us, those we have yet to meet and even those we will never get the chance to encounter. Kinship is our catch-all theme for exploring all types of relationships. Whether you realize it or not, you play a part in an endlessly-unfolding story. Not only that, but you are writing your own script for it. Make it a good one, Dave RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee P.S. The word Sonder is the invention of John Koenig, creator of The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. “Each original definition aims to fill a hole in the language — to give a name to emotions we all might experience but don’t yet have a word for. All words in this dictionary are new. They were not necessarily intended to be used in conversation, but to exist for their own sake; to give a semblance of order to a dark continent, so you can settle it yourself on your own terms, without feeling too lost — safe in the knowledge that we’re all lost.”P.P.S. Our Kinship Guide (Member Content) helps you reflect on the role of different relationships in your life. If you haven’t yet, take a moment for yourself and the guide. Not yet a member? By becoming a member, you not only support our work but you also get immediate access to this Guide as well as all our past digital guides and art. Learn more about the Holstee Membership →
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