Mindful Matter
Emotional incompatibility.
“Hatred cannot co-exist with loving-kindness and dissipates if supplanted with thoughts based on loving-kindness.” - Buddha Not only is this a powerful thought, but it’s also backed by science. Dr. Robert Emmons, a professor of psychology, has dedicated much of his career to researching the science of Gratitude. Emmons builds on this sentiment by saying: “You cannot be grateful and resentful at the same time, or forgiving and vengeful. When we are savoring the moment, we cannot be regretting the past.” His point here refers to a phenomenon known as “emotional incompatibility”, which suggests that we are not able to experience opposing emotions in the same moment. I like to think of it this way: when you have a heart full of gratitude, it can be a forcefield against negativity. How does this theory hold up in the laboratory of your own mind? Mike RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee P.S. Emmons is just one of the great minds whose work inspired our Gratitude Guide. We link to his original works as well as those of other thinkers like Melanie Greenberg Ph.D. and Brother David Steindl-Rast in our Curated Resources on Gratitude.
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You are enough.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." - Melody Beattie I love this quote because it so clearly captures the power of gratitude, especially this line: "It turns what we have into enough, and more.""Enough". A simple, unassuming word with a powerful meaning. Enough — it’s all we need. The challenge is that we so often feel like we don’t have it.We feel like we haven’t checked off “enough” items from our to-do lists. We feel like we don’t have “enough” — that a certain material purchase will bring us closer. We feel like we aren’t “enough”, so we constantly push ourselves to live up to other people’s expectations. The truth is — whether we realize it or not — we have, we do, and we are enough. Each November, the theme of Gratitude is front and center at Holstee and I am reminded that what I have is, indeed, enough. And that despite what the outside world tries to tell me, or sell me, I am enough, too. Once we fully internalize and believe this, we can start living with a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity — a concept we will explore further in next Monday’s Reflection post. You are, and that is enough. Dave RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee P.S. This month’s Gratitude Guide challenges each of us to keep a running list of all the things we are grateful for and, each day, add a few more items. Here are mine for today: It was raining earlier, so I am glad to be warm and dry at home. I am grateful for video calls. Since I live far from my family, I appreciate being able to see and speak with them. It brings me a lot of joy. I am grateful for crisp apples that are now in season. I am grateful for jazz music. I am grateful for you. You are the reason I am writing this right now, and you are enabling this deep sense of gratitude I am feeling. Thank you.
Learn moreDrowning.
These days, I am finding myself wrapped up in the news — devastating tragedies, one after another. My mind is filled with questions. Why would someone do this? How could it be possible? Why does it keep happening? What can be done now? The questions don’t seem to end. I recently reached a point at which I was
Learn moreAutumn.
We just came across this beautiful reflection from Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist poet and peace activist, on life and falling leaves: “One autumn day, I was in a park, absorbed in the contemplation of a very small but beautiful leaf, in the shape of a heart. Its color was almost red, and it was barely hanging on the branch, nearly ready to fall down. I spent a long time with it, and I asked the leaf a lot of questions
Learn moreYou were once a child, too.
Mister Rogers famously said, “You were once a child, too.” The long-time American TV personality was responding to a group of doctors asking how they could better comfort their concerned pediatric patients. When I first read this, I thought it was such a
Learn moreTransitions.
It seems like every day, I encounter someone who is in transition. A friend looking for a new job, a co-worker moving into her own apartment, a cousin starting at a new school, a family member preparing for a mid-life career change and another preparing for retirement — all of these pivotal and magical moments setting the stage for an exciting if unknown future. Fabian, our best friend and third Holstee co-founder, embarked on his own journey of
Learn moreLove words.
Knowing the right word for something can make a tough concept easier to understand. So when I learned about the range of words used by the ancient Greeks to describe different types of love, I was excited. It offered me a new way to think about the different relationships in my life and how they can morph over time. I want to share three that I found particularly useful
Learn moreGroundhog Day.
A few years ago, I watched the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. Inspired, I wrote the following thoughts originally posted in our online magazine, Mindful Matter. I have never thought much about Groundhog Day until a few days ago. On February 2nd as it snowed outside my apartment window, I decided to
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Homesick.
While living in New York’s East Village, I became familiar with the Village Voice and, as a result, with “Ask Andrew W.K.” — a newspaper column in which rock star Andrew Fetterly Wilkes-Krier answers reader questions. I was always inspired by the thoughtfulness and depth of his answers. I recently returned to one of the columns on being homesick — a feeling I can relate to, living in Amsterdam far from family and friends in the U.S. The reader asked Andrew:
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